I listened to stories about loss before I’d read about them. Devastation falls short of grief, incredibly so with books on miscarriage. If all this grief is displaced love that has no place to go, reading its statistics feels cold and cruel. When the subject of such affection goes missing, it is certainly difficult to communicate a vastly isolating experience.
As does this excerpt from Deborah L. Cooper’s Lily in the Garden: Excerpts from a Journal in Rachel Faldet’s Our Stories Of Miscarriage: Healing With Words:
September 4, 1991
Not quite so nauseated these days. Maybe it means a girl this time. Feeling good enough to do some digging in the garden. Diggin’ and daydreamin’ about my little red-haired girl. Only seems right to give her the name of a flower – Iris, Rose, Lily. I like Lily. Lily in the garden.
September 19, 1991
Lost my baby last Monday evening. … *
October 17, 1991
Lost my baby a month ago. Everyone says they’re so sorry; it was meant to be; it’s for the best; keep trying. But I don’t know… I am sorry too, but I still wonder why. What horrible thing did I do? …
The English language cannot contain such weighed grief for a parent who has lost a child. The Oxford English Dictionary does not have a word for it either. The closest we can come is by usage of the term ‘bereavement.’ In recent times, “pareavor” has gained traction: a combination of “parent” and “reave” meaning “to tear away.” Sanskrit attempts to provide closure with its “vilomah” or “against natural order.” Yet, all they remain are words.
15 Books To Read To Help You Cope After A Miscarriage
For a shoulder to lean on, or a hand to hold, here’s a curation of books that give you room to acknowledge your suffering. They include lines that hold your heart gently and make you feel sheltered. These words offer to make a difference, or at least a small place to grieve.
1. I Had A Miscarriage: A Memoir, A Movement by Jessica Zucker
The expected: In this memoir-meets-manifesto, we follow Zucker’s experience of miscarriage during her second pregnancy. Leading into reproductive and maternal mental health backed by personal loss, the book also includes stories of women communally involved.
The unexpected: This book urges women to gain inspiration after miscarriage, and to be unapologetically loud in sharing their experiences. Zucker’s background in psychology makes the content gut-wrenchingly validating, provoking conversations surrounding grief as a catalyst, making it one of the best books on miscarriage.
2. Empty Cradle, Broken Heart: Surviving The Death Of Your Baby by Deborah L. Davis
The expected: An open encouragement to grievance, this book sets out to accept raw emotions as they come – anger, guilt, despair. While it covers different kinds of loss, it includes a special chapter for fathers.
The unexpected: Written with the intent for bereaved parent(s) to know that ‘you are not alone,’ this book lists coping suggestions and other useful information pertaining to what every woman needs to know about miscarriage.
3. Saying Goodbye by Zoë Clark-Coates
The expected: For those lost in grief and a list full of unanswered questions, Clark-Coates had penned down an account of experiences (her own and others’), offering hope and comfort during these especially challenging times.
The unexpected: This book includes 90-day daily support for grieving parents and relatives. The author and her husband have founded and contribute via The Mariposa Trust, in support of such harrowing times. Its representative leading division, Saying Goodbye, supports thousands around the world every week.
4. You Are Not Alone: Love Letters From Loss Mom To Loss Mom by Emily R Long
The expected: For every “I’m sorry, your baby is gone,” and the “I’m sorry there is no heartbeat,” this book offers a community of sister-mothers gathered by such loss. A compilation of recollections from mothers, this book plays vulnerable notes with sheer determination to honor individual stories.
The unexpected: Written with the deepest desire “for you to know that you are not alone,” this book gathers stories that portray struggling with loss. With the intent to provide space for pregnancy loss support, the love letters are a solid and important reminder of the need for documentation and sharing.
5. About What Was Lost: Twenty Writers On Miscarriage, Healing And Hope, compiled by Jessica Berger Gross
The expected: Twenty writers, in this intimate anthology, weave together experiences of grief and sadness tied to miscarriage. Honest and eloquent, their narratives offer depth of emotion. Notable contributors include Joyce Maynard, Susanna Sonnenberg, and Pam Houston, among others.
The unexpected: Bereaved parents claim the comforting nature of this book to be true. As though their minds were being read, shared experiences of grief are what make such journeys less isolating. With diverse perspectives, it has helped several others to be of help during times of need.
RELATED READING: 11 Books With Sad Endings That Will Break Your Heart
6. Always Within: Grieving The Loss Of Your Infant by Melissa Eshelmen
The expected: As a stepping stone towards healing, this book contains recollections of over twenty parents. Though not strictly focusing on miscarriage, this book also makes room for infant loss, including the author’s.
The unexpected: This book reads like a compilation of suffering and confusion while having the most compassionate support group at your fingertips. This book is a product of the author’s realization of healing while helping others through their pain.
7. Our Stories Of Miscarriage: Healing With Words by Rachel Faldet
The expected: Emphasizing healing with words, this book attempts to help come to terms with the loss. Looking beyond statistics, this book offers moving recollections of stories, essays, and poems.
The unexpected: As a shoulder to lean on, this book brings bereaved women into spirited solidarity. Understanding that such personal experiences are still human and can be validated is liberating. Open with difficult emotions, Faldet’s collection has reassured so many bereaved mothers and has offered much-needed support.
8. The Baby Loss Guide: Practical And Compassionate Support With A Day-By-Day Resource To Navigate The Path Of Grief by Zoë Clark-Coates
The expected: By the baby loss expert Clark-Coates, this guide aims to tackle the weight of grief through compassion. As a practical guide, it walks readers through suffering while also allowing them to hope. It is especially helpful for bereaved parents and support groups alike.
The unexpected: The first half of the guide takes on a Q&A form. It addresses myths, taboos, and assumptions around loss, besides other insightful questions. The second half focuses on a 60-day compassion program to provide support. Its readability marks it a vital source of information.
9. A Guide For Fathers: When A Baby Dies by Tim Nelson
The expected: Coming to terms with having to part with a child is paramount as is. Perinatal grief measures indicate severe distress for fathers who may feel just as isolated when dealing with such a loss. With an onus on prioritizing life after miscarriage (or loss), this book offers refuge in acknowledgement and acceptance from the father’s point of view.
The unexpected: Provides logistics on how to handle situations immediately after the baby’s passing. Fathers also claim that the author’s personal story at the end of the book has been all the more valuable.
10. The Miscarriage Map: What To Expect When You Are No Longer Expecting by Sunita Osborn
The expected: Miscarriage, deemed painfully common, operates at the core of this book. There is a lot of value placed on what one can do to function in the reeling aftermath of a miscarriage.
The unexpected: This read online non-fiction carries honesty and humor in the same palm. Part-memoir, Osborn recalls her personal experience and specific steps that helped her assume the kind of functionality her life, moving forward, required. Boldly confronting the nitty-gritty of the realities a miscarriage brings, Osborn presents unspoken, relevant topics as is, marking its place among good books on miscarriage.
RELATED READING: 33 Sad Books That Will Make You Sob And Cry
11. What God Is Honored Here? By Kao Kalia Yang and Shannon Gibney
The expected: An anthology by and for Native Women and Women of Color, this collection of stories navigates cultural complexities alongside a sense of loss. Alongside the take on spirituality as in life-forces, it takes steps to restore faith in humanity in the face of traumatic loss.
The unexpected: Unflinching in resilience, it makes space in solidarity, giving an opportunity for women and families to rescue their children from a “second death.” For those within and outside of the community, this anthology has been an eye-opener.
12. Grace Like Scarlett by Adriel Booker
The expected: Among Christian books on miscarriage, this book provides a glimpse into the isolating experience of loss and spiritual disconnect tied to it. With Booker’s consecutive miscarriages and stories of others, this vulnerable compilation offers a tender hug.
The unexpected: Managing complex questions of faith alongside suffering operates at the crux of this book. Booker also suggests practical resources to get through the difficult time. It includes a special section for loved ones as well.
13. Trying Again: A Guide To Pregnancy After Miscarriage, Stillbirth And Infant Loss by Ann Douglas
The expected: This pregnancy after loss book is a go-to among books on infant loss, stillbirth, and miscarriage. Aiming to lessen the uncertainties that come with such a loss, this book is written with the determination for another baby and how one could go about it. It’s a must-read if you want to pursue self-discovery and self-care.
The unexpected: The book states facts on what the “prepared” mindset is, and how one can determine when it feels right to be ready for another pregnancy. Douglas, a former parenting columnist, delivers keynote speeches at parenting conferences for support groups.
14. Kid Gloves: Nine Months Of Careful Chaos by Lucy Knisley
The expected: As a graphic-novel memoir, Knisley’s depiction of her journey to motherhood considers all the ups-and-downs of the experience. While all she wanted to be was a mother, the journey is harder than anything she imagined: fertility problems, miscarriages, successful pregnancy with health issues, and a near-death labor experience.
The unexpected: The perfect balance of hilarity and seriousness, this memoir weaves a personal transition to motherhood from every angle. Surviving miscarriage and falling in love with a rainbow baby are parts of the larger whole. This book is considered a classic in its own right, a must-read for every reader.
15. Baby Dust by Deanna Roy
The expected: Underneath the sugar-coating of pain miscarriage brings, Roy’s Baby Dust offers an as-is view of women facing such loss. This perspective, unique to fiction, attempts a balance of humor with the weight of sorrow.
The unexpected: Among fiction books about miscarriage, this book is a fair ‘empty arms’ contender. Grappling with a difficult subject, it is notable that the author has tried to maintain organic writing as the book is based on stories of real-life losses.
While these books remain top recommendations, illustrated books for children we’d like to recommend alongside this curation include:
- Something Happened by Catherine Blandford
- We Had To Say Goodbye Before We Even Met by Irene Teague
- My Sibling Still by Megan Lacourrege
These books on miscarriage have made it a point to include surviving children in grief, and to provide them reassurance of their place in it. With comforting illustrations, they offer messages of affirmation and hope through suffering. Furthermore, the titles also help parents understand truly how their surviving children are able to process loss.
In the case of Lacourrege’s book, most pages come with a box with words relating to grief, for parents to be able to clearly determine the depth of understanding. Accessibility comes with less effort when pictures are involved. While conversations might still prove difficult, it reiterates the importance of including the surviving sibling in such discussions.
Conclusion
Is it possible to fathom books after losing a baby? It is difficult to do anything after an inconsolable loss. Returning to functioning on a daily basis seems arduous, but seeking comfort, whether in support groups or in books, has proven necessary.
Words, spoken or read, take a principal seat in grief. While we hope that this list offers comfort, we wish to remind you of “patchwork quilt” in Rachel Faldet’s Our Stories Of Miscarriage: Healing With Words. And of this quote we hold dear – “you can take every story as a patchwork for the ultimate quilt to lie under until you feel better.”
