You’re scrolling through Instagram and see someone’s vacation post. Instantly, a thought pops into your head, “Must be nice to have so much free time and money”. We’ve all been there, catching ourselves making snap judgments about someone without meaning to. It happens! But when judging becomes a habit, it can make us feel disconnected, critical, and even drained.
The good news? You can break free from this pattern. With a little self-awareness and kindness towards yourself and others, you can shift from judgment to understanding. In this article, we’ll explore why we tend to judge and how to stop being judgmental, so you can enjoy deeper, more genuine connections with the people in your life.
What Is The Root Of Judgment?
Wondering how to get rid of judgmental thoughts? It is important to understand where this judgment comes from first. When we catch ourselves judging someone, it can feel automatic. But it usually isn’t. Sometimes we criticize others to feel better about ourselves. Other times it happens because their choices trigger something in us that we don’t understand. We’re also wired to compare, and these comparisons can quietly slip into judgments.
According to a study, “human judgment and decision making is distorted by an array of cognitive, perceptual and motivational biases”. But on the bright side, once we recognize where these thoughts are coming from, we can choose a kinder perspective, for ourselves and others. Here’s the root of judgment:
1. Insecurity and self-protection
We tend to judge others as a way to protect our own self-esteem. When we feel unsure about ourselves, we criticize others as a way to feel better or stay in control. It’s a defense mechanism, often unconscious, to cover up our doubts and fears. By pointing out what we see as ‘wrong’ in someone else, we subconsciously feel safer or superior. It’s easier to focus on someone else’s flaws than our own.
For example, if you’re insecure about your appearance, you might think, “She’s put on so much weight” when you see someone else. In reality, this judgment only reflects your own struggle with body image.
2. Unmet needs or hidden emotions
Judgment often reflects what we’re struggling with internally. Many times, the traits that we judge others for are the ones we dislike about ourselves. It’s easier to criticize someone else than admit that we have the same issue. Judgment becomes a way for us to avoid our own imperfections.
For example, if we’re feeling unworthy or anxious, we might project those feelings on others by criticizing them. If you constantly procrastinate but dislike that about yourself, you might think, “He’s so lazy” when a coworker takes a break. In reality, the judgment is a reflection of your struggles and unmet needs.
3. Conditioning and learned behavior
From childhood, we pick up how people should look, act, and live. The way we are raised, our environment, and our past experiences shape these beliefs. These beliefs then become the lens through which we see the world, and anyone who doesn’t fit those standards can incite judgment.
For instance, if you grew up hearing negative things about a group of people, you might unconsciously judge them too. If someone betrayed your trust, you might start to judge everyone’s actions through the lens of mistrust and deem them suspicious.
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4. Fear of the different
We often judge what is unfamiliar to us. Judgment can come from the discomfort from the things we don’t understand. When someone’s choices or lifestyle differ from ours, it instills a fear of the unknown in us; it’s unsafe and unpredictable. This fear or confusion can show up as criticism.
If you see someone practicing a religion or cultural tradition that is different from yours, you might think, “That’s weird”. This judgment comes from unfamiliarity, and not any actual wrongdoing by the person.
5. Comparison and control
Our brains are wired to compare ourselves to others; it’s pretty natural. However, when that comparison becomes negative, it turns into judgment. A study shows that judging others can give us a false sense of control or power. By labeling someone ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, we feel more secure about our beliefs and choices. It can be comforting to believe we are ‘better’ or ‘more correct’ than others.
For example, if you see a parent handling a child differently than you would, you might think, “I’d never raise my kid like that”. This judgment makes you feel confident in your own choices, even though you don’t really know their full situation.
So, judgment is usually more about us than the other person. It reflects our inner fears, insecurities, and beliefs, rather than the objective truth. Now let’s explore the ways on how to stop being judgmental.
5 Easy And Effective Ways To Stop Being Judgmental
How to stop being a judgmental person? Breaking the habit of judging others doesn’t happen overnight, but small baby steps will get you a long way. Once you start noticing your thoughts and choose a kinder perspective, you’ll feel much lighter and more connected to the people around you.
Being less judgmental isn’t about ignoring bad behavior or pretending everyone is perfect. It’s about pausing, thinking deeper, and responding with understanding rather than jumping to conclusions. Here are 5 simple and effective ways to stop being judgmental, along with real-life examples to help you put them into practice.
1. Notice your thoughts without shame
Judgmental thoughts will pop into your head; it’s natural. The key on how to stop being critical and judgmental is to notice them without beating yourself up. For example, if you catch yourself thinking “Why is she wearing that?”, just pause and acknowledge “hmm I’m judging right now” and move on. Awareness is the first step towards change.
- Most judgments are made based on incomplete stories
- Remind yourself that you don’t know everything about someone’s life
- Whenever you form a negative opinion, ask, “Do I know the full picture?”, “Could there be another explanation?”
- Replace assumptions with open-mindedness.
2. Choose curiosity over criticism
Instead of assuming you know someone’s story, get curious. If a friend makes a decision you don’t understand, shift from “That’s a bad idea” to “I wonder what made them choose that?” Curiosity opens the door to compassion and understanding. When you feel judgment rising in you, ask, “What might be going on in their life that I don’t see?” This mindset makes you more compassionate instead of critical.
Suppose a colleague snaps at you during a meeting. Your first thought might be, “That’s so rude”. But shifting to curiosity, you might think, “Maybe they’re stressed about a deadline or something personal”. This helps you respond calmly instead of reacting harshly.
3. Ask what’s really behind it
Another important step in knowing when and why you are judging others. As mentioned, our judgments usually reflect our insecurities and fears. Often, we form opinions about people without even realizing it. If you find yourself annoyed by a coworker’s confidence, just think, “Is this about them or am I feeling insecure about my own abilities?” This small reflection can instantly soften the judgment.
If you see someone dressed shabbily and think “They must be lazy”, try to get your mind to ask the question –
- “Why am I thinking this?”
- “Is this thought based on fact or assumption?”
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4. Remember, we’re all human
How to be less judgmental of others? Remember, everyone has flaws and makes mistakes, including you. The next time a stranger cuts you off in traffic, instead of stewing in anger, remind yourself that “Maybe they’re having a rough day, I’ve been there too”. This mindset instantly softens the judgment and makes space for empathy.
Another thing that might help is focusing on your similarities.
- A lot of times, judgment arises when we focus on how people are different from us
- Shifting your focus to what you have in common can help build empathy
- Remember others have struggles, fear,s and dreams, just like you
If you see someone behaving arrogantly, instead of thinking “They’re so full of themselves”, think “Maybe they’re insecure and trying to look confident. I’ve done that too”.
5. Practice gratitude and self-kindness
Research says when we’re hard on ourselves, we tend to be hard on others. If you find yourself going into a judgment spiral, pause and name three things you’re grateful for. Learn to speak kindly to yourself. Feeling secure within yourself makes it easier to see others with a kinder lens.
If you make a mistake and tell yourself, “I’m so stupid”, you’re likely to do the same thing to others when they mess up. But if you make a mistake and tell yourself, “I made a mistake, it’s okay, everyone does”, you’ll be more forgiving towards others too. When you accept your own imperfections, you’re less likely to judge others for theirs.
Conclusion
Judging others is something we all do from time to time; it’s part of being human. But the more we practice self-awareness, compassion, and kindness, the easier it becomes to let go of those snap judgments. Not only does this shift make our relationships stronger, but it also brings more peace into our own lives.
So the next time you notice a judgment creeping in, remember the different ways on how to stop being judgmental. Pause, breathe, and choose a softer perspective. You might be surprised by how much more connected and compassionate you feel toward others as well as yourself.
FAQs
1. Is it human nature to be judgmental?
Yes, it’s human nature to be judgmental, because our brains are wired to quickly evaluate people and situations as a way to stay safe. While this instinct once helped us survive, it often shows up as unnecessary criticism and comparison now.
2. Can I stop being judgmental if I grew up in a critical environment?
Yes, you can absolutely break the cycle, even if you grew up around constant criticism. With self-awareness, compassion, and practice, you can retrain your mind to respond with understanding instead of judgment.
3. What’s the difference between being opinionated and judgmental?
Being opinionated means you hold strong beliefs or preferences, but can express them without putting someone else down. Being judgmental, on the other hand, involves criticising or devaluing others for their choices, often with a sense of superiority.
4. How do I respond to judgmental people without becoming one?
Stay calm and avoid taking their words personally, as their judgment often reflects their insecurities. Respond with empathy or set healthy boundaries, focusing on kindness rather than mirroring their behavior.
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