The word therapy usually brings to mind emotional problems, mental health troubles, or relationship issues, but rarely is it used concerning finances. A financial therapist is a person who helps you understand the psychological and emotional patterns that underlie your financial behavior. That makes sense when you consider that money is one of the most emotionally charged topics in our lives.
Yet it is something that is rarely, if ever, discussed. Do you feel that you are constantly stressed about money or the lack of it? Are you mired in credit card debt? Can you barely make it to the end of the month on your paycheck? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then it is time to read this article and consider seeking help.
The numbers are indeed scary. According to Business Insider, the average debt in America is $105,000 across mortgages, automobile, student, and credit card personal debt. A staggering number! But it is more than just the numbers. Issues such as your identity, security, self-worth, and even your childhood conditioning are all linked to money. So while budgeting and trying to make ends meet are important, it is also important to learn how to curb your spending and save money, and this is where the benefits of financial therapy come in.
A financial therapist will help you build emotional resilience that will help you develop a healthier relationship with money. You will get help in improving your communication skills and address longstanding patterns revolving around compulsive spending and living beyond your means.
Knowing when to seek help is important, which is why we have compiled this list of signs that indicate you need to seek help as soon as possible.
Sign #1: You avoid all money conversations, even with loved ones
If the idea of talking about money matters with family, friends, or your partner fills you with dread, then you are not alone. Many people avoid these types of sticky conversations because of the attendant emotional baggage that makes them very uncomfortable.
Some of the issues you shy away from discussing would include:
- Your fears for the future
- Difficulty in making ends meet
- Admitting that you cannot afford to buy something
- Mounting credit card debt
- Feelings of inadequacy
Whatever the reason, if you shy away from these kinds of discussions, then the trust that is so essential to your relationship will begin to fray. Even if you are single, it pays to talk about financial affairs. This is because not talking about them will not make the financial stresses disappear. In every relationship, money conflict is a real possibility that, left unchecked, can destroy the relationship. Whether it is about hiding purchases, lying about credit card debt or just shutting down during a financial discussion, the silence will cause as much damage as the overspending.
A financial therapist can help you break down the walls you’ve built to protect yourself from money conversations. You will learn how to set boundaries, express your fears and needs more openly without feelings of shame, guilt, or being judged. You will get help with your compulsive spending, help that will teach you how to manage your finances better and hopefully start lessening the burden of debt that is weighing you down.
Sign #2: You feel anxious or depressed because of money issues
About 70% of Americans say that financial uncertainty has made them feel anxious or stressed at some point. Financial stresses can take a huge toll on your mental and physical health. Worrying over money matters on occasion is very different from the chronic worrying that constantly plays on your mind.
Some of the signs of financial anxiety would include:
- Constantly thinking about money matters
- Mood swings
- Difficulty sleeping
- Inability to focus
- Feeling low
- Worry about stretching your finances to the end of the month
- Anxiety over meeting your mortgage, loan, or credit card repayments
With the anxiety can come depression, which will further exacerbate the situation and your ability to deal with it. It isn’t just about your bank balance; it’s about being weighed down emotionally, that feeling of being stuck in a financial mess from which there seems no way out.
Maybe you deal with it by not paying attention to it, hoping that it will go away. Maybe you just avoid checking your balance, figuring that you’ll sort it out later. But the fact is that you are aware of it, and the stress will keep building up, silently. The stress will start affecting other areas of your life, such as your health and relationships, without you even being aware of it.
At times like these, a financial therapist can make a world of difference. They can help you get to the bottom of your problem and tackle the emotional baggage that comes with financial matters. Issues such as fear of failure, inadequacy, scarcity mindsets, and many more can all be rooted out and dealt with.
Sign #3: You’re going through a major life or financial transition
Any major change in your life can be a cause for emotional upheaval. This makes coping with the financial implications of that change even more difficult to deal with. Major transitions in your life, such as divorce, loss of a job, change in a job, receiving an inheritance, or retirement, all have major financial implications for you. The changes aren’t just about managing numbers. You also need to deal with all the accompanying emotions.
Some of the issues that can crop up during major transitions are:
- A resurgence of old money habits
- Decisions based on fear
- Impulsive spending
- Completely ignoring financial matters
- Taking on additional debt
- Feeling overwhelmed
A financial therapist can help you to process both the numbers and the accompanying emotions, and you will be much better placed to handle the transitions with clarity and confidence. If you feel overwhelmed with the financial changes happening in your life, then it is time to reach out and ask for help.
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Sign #4: Money fights are harming your relationship
Money is one of the main causes of fights in a relationship and not surprisingly, one of the leading causes of divorce in America. The conflicts usually arise because of a difference in attitudes towards money and the emotional roots behind these attitudes. Arguments about saving, spending, financial goals, and priorities become recurring sources of tension. These can only be resolved once the underlying causes are dealt with.
Here are a few signs that unaddressed money issues are causing problems in your relationship:
- Repeated arguments over issues like budgeting, spending, credit card use, and debt, arguments that never seem to get resolved
- Feeling resentful or judged by your partner whenever the topic of spending crops up
- Avoid talking about finances because you don’t want another argument
- One partner controls all the finances, and the other feels powerless and resentful
- Financial goals or values that are fundamentally different, such as one being a spender and the other a saver, and not having the ability to find a common ground
Disagreements over money matters can quickly degenerate into full-fledged emotional battles over issues like control, trust, and security. A financial therapist can help couples identify these emotional patterns and develop healthier ways to communicate.
Sign #5: You’re spending compulsively or emotionally
Spending compulsively or emotionally simply means using money or shopping as a means to cope with difficult emotions such as stress, boredom, loneliness, or sadness. Retail therapy, as it is called, isn’t just about buying things you don’t really need. It’s more about spending money to feel better. That temporary “high” you enjoy after a bout of shopping can soon give way to negative emotions and consequences like regret, guilt, or an even larger outstanding balance on your credit card.
These are some of the common signs of emotional or compulsive shopping:
- Shopping to feel better after a stressful day or after a fight with your partner
- Hiding your newest purchases from your partner or feeling ashamed afterwards
- Buying something you cannot really afford on your credit card
- Impulsive buys and out-of-control online shopping
- Buying stuff you don’t really need just because it’s on sale
- Using retail therapy as your primary coping mechanism
This kind of spending pattern can be tied to a deeper emotional need that may be rooted in past experiences or struggles with self-worth. Until these emotional causes are addressed, there is little chance that you will be able to change these patterns of behavior, and a financial therapist can help you to do that.
Bonus Sign: You tie your self-worth to your net worth
In a world that measures success by the lifestyle and image that you portray, it is very easy to fall into the trap of evaluating yourself based on your bank balance. If you do base your self-worth on your net worth, then your confidence and self-esteem can fluctuate with every change and unexpected expense that occurs. Even the new car your neighbor buys could have a negative effect on your self-esteem.
Signs that you identify too closely with your bank balance include:
- Not earning enough or not hitting your financial goals makes you feel like you’re not good enough
- You are constantly comparing your lifestyle to others without having a clue as to their real financial situation
- Your confidence levels are closely tied to external factors such as your job title, income or your material possessions
- You don’t feel worthy of love, respect, rest, or happiness if you are not being productive or making money
- Losses incurred, for whatever reason, make you feel like a failure
A financial therapist can help you to separate your identity from your income and show you how to create a healthy self-respect that isn’t based on your bank balance. True self-worth and self-respect should be based on how you treat yourself, even when the numbers don’t match what you want them to be.
Why You Shouldn’t Wait To Seek Financial Therapy
Our emotional and financial well-being is something that needs to be constantly taken care of, and waiting for a crisis just makes it harder to deal with.
Getting support sooner rather than later can make all the difference because:
- Patterns aren’t easy to change, and this is especially true of financial habits
- The longer you wait, the messier the financial mess becomes
- Avoiding the issue will only make it worse, as the stresses will compound over time
- Therapy will give you the emotional insight and the tools to create meaningful changes
- Learning to deal with the emotional baggage attached to money will help improve your self-esteem and strengthen your relationships
FAQs
1. What is financial therapy, and do I need it?
It is a combination of emotional and financial support that will help you understand and heal your relationship with money. If money matters are causing you stress, then yes, you might need it.
2. Can financial therapy help with debt and spending?
Yes. By exposing the emotional roots behind debt and overspending, it helps you build healthier financial habits
3. Is it normal to feel ashamed about money habits?
Yes, it is quite common, but it can be worked through with the proper help.
4. How do I find a qualified financial therapist?
Look for a professional certified by the Financial Therapy Association or one trained in both mental health and financial planning.
